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[学生提交的作文]
洪雁老师： 您好。下面这篇作文命题曾是我在1月21日考过的作文题。这是重新写的一篇。
In the present words,science has been developing fast,but people still have a high opinion of artists.What can the arts tell us of the life that science cannot ? Arts is the making and expressions of what are beautiful and pleasure in human lives..People have paid no less attention to arts than they have paid to science since the beginning of human civilization.Why is arts so important ?
The main reason is that compared with natural sciences,arts (humanities and fine arts)serves rudder. First of all,arts plays a essential role in moulding magnificent qualities of people.A majority of works and writings not only expressed the impressive feelings in the world,which were sentimental and natural,but also gave us many ideas about love,faith and charity.In fact,these ideas have withstood the test of time.They represent the accumulated wisdom of our ancestors down through the ages.People,who equipped with these theories,can make sound judgements about any problems which may crop up.
Secondly,arts is the source of happiness in our lives.For instance,a classic light opera can give delight to millions of people.and moreover,some painting masterpieces are exactly a great satisfactions .
Especially, some excellent literature works enrich our lives and make us feel that we are part of the great family of mankind.Therefore,it is nothing but the arts that brings optimistic mental conditions to us.
In addition arts subjects are good for boosting children’s mental development.Recently,a American study shows that Mozart’s works can help children to improve their graphic cognition.Hence arts education is not only of benefit to moulding people’s quality,but also to discovering people’s potential. All in all ,the arts’ contribution to our lives can not be replaced by science although both arts and science push the boundaries of human cognition.
[老师批改的作文]
你的这篇作文在文章结构上把握得很到位，没有明显的语法错误，个别错误估计是由于打字笔误吧！ Anyway,内容切题，表达基本顺畅，论据合理，能够列举比较有代表性的事例（如Mozart’s works）使论证更具有说服力。 However,有一定词汇量，如果能在使用上多出一些用词精准度上的亮点的话，有望突破词汇6分的水平；句型基本正确，但用法较为单一。首段的中心论点句是否可以提得更明朗一些呢？ 加油：）
