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We usual run into trouble in common life. It that means we have to give up our dream when trouble happen? Certain not .just like Ernest Hemingway,a writer of American,had said ,A man is not born for defeated,a man can be destoried,but cant be defeated
I still remember the first time I meet Mrs.Liu.That is the first day of my senior school.She came to class room with smiling,and asked we call her Mrs Liu,not Teacher Liu.Then she wanted each one of us to introduce myself.
At the beginning when turn to me to introduce myself,I cant said any word ,cos afrain.But finally,i did my introduce well under the Mrs.Liu’courage.After that.i know,nothing is impossible.You wouldn’t know how successful you can unless you do.When trouble happen,what we should do only is don’t lose our courage and hard work.
老师批改:
Don’t lose your courage
We usually run into difficulty in our daily life. But does it mean we have to give it up when difficulty comes? Certainly not .Just like Ernest Hemingway, an American writer, said , “A man is not born for defeat, a man can be destroyed, but not defeated.”
I still remember the first time I met Miss Liu. That is the first day of my senior school. She came to the classroom with a smile and introduced herself, letting us call her Miss Liu, not Teacher Liu. Then she asked each one of us to make a self-introduction. When it was my turn to introduce myself, I couldn’t say any word because I was so afraid and nervous. But finally, I did introduce myself well with Miss Liu’s encouragement and guidance. Till then, I realized that nothing is impossible.
You wouldn’t know how successful you can be unless you try. When something happens, what we only should do is to work on it and keep trying. Never say die!
点评: 本习作思想基本表达清楚, 但是语言错误较多。 表现在用词和语法方面。文章开头第一句中的trouble用的就不贴切,一个自我介绍不能被看成是trouble, 即便在当时那个阶段,也是如此。以及后面的encouragement. 形容词,副词以及冠词的用法没有明确掌握。时态错误频繁出现。
另外,在引用名言时,一定要保证其正确性。最后就是文章的组织结构问题,设计不够合理。